We do not get to choose our thoughts, yet we still try. There are plenty of things within and
outside our lives that we do not control or choose. Our minds and hearts have their needs,
and they need to be moved or nourished but only to an extent where it does not lead to our
emotional suffering.
You may begin to dwell on your disappointments or flaws, regardless of whether they are large or small. At that point, you may advance to think about your defeats, and that you’re not equipped to deal with progress.
Whenever you’ve persuaded yourself that you don’t deserve certain opportunities or goals, you may choose to stop while you’re ahead and abstain from attempting any further. This thought process then leads to a vicious cycle of self-rejection.
It’s human to feel dejected when one is criticized, accused, or left alone. But self-rejection is a trap and it’s pretty grim. It’s a harsh reality to face, especially in this age where we are struggling with the image of being perfect and striving to maintain that.
A lot of times, for a lot of things that don’t go our way, our mind automatically identifies them as ‘bad’ and that thought constantly lingers on for a long time.
No matter how hard we try to tell ourselves ‘think positive’ or ‘don’t be anxious’, somehow our minds are hardwired to attract the negative.
We fancy that saying such things can help us control the functioning of our minds and that we can overpower the negative thoughts, but this confluence of thoughts that none of us wants, does not leave us despite our efforts to reject them.
Some common signs of self-rejection could be-
- Being involved with people who make you feel inferior or less
- Comparing yourself to others
- Lowering your goals for fear of not being able to achieve them
- Staying in stagnant jobs
So, what can we do when the things we identify as ‘bad’ or ‘negative’ stay in our minds despite all our efforts? Must we continue to cast out something ‘bad’?
The solution is self-acceptance. Most of us have a unique style for self-help that we learned and cultivated through our experience and development, although it is, not always successful.
Accessing your true feelings can be a bumpy ride. Uncovering and working through your feelings can sometimes be painful. But once we find a way to tease our feelings away from anxiety, the ride becomes smoother.
Self-acceptance does not give us the feeling of perfection and control that self-rejection entices us with. However, once we have attempted self-rejection, seen its outcomes, and understood why we thought it was a smart thought at that point, maybe we can start to acknowledge ourselves through self-acceptance and see what happens at that point.
Self-acceptance does not guarantee to fix anything or to make you feel better. All self-acceptance ensures is we will have the clearest and most reasonable image of who we are at a point in time, beyond our fantasies of how it should be.
It does not matter how many times you fail, all that matters is that your failure cause self-rejection. It is an ugly cycle.
Do not be in that dark corner for too long. Life will be full of rejections, but do not ever let rejection stop you.